Sadly, no.
I'm about to recap an origin story full of very little in the way of anything, other than a name and revelations that answer questions that no one really cared about in the first place.
I'd love to be able to call it a hair raising adventure, but let's face it, two bald guys driving around and talking to people just doesn't qualify on a lot of levels...
I think I need a drink.
Let's get this over with...er...let's get on with it!
This episode is titled "The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham". Aside from the fact that I might have added the word "Boring" between "The" and "Life", it's a good title, in that it explains why Locke took the name Bentham in the first place and it shows "Jeremy Bentham" in his last moments.
I do have a little oddball hypothesis about the resurrection of Locke and Jack's dad that has to do with the magic of names, but we'll get to that when the time comes.
(*Speaking of names side note: Jeremy Bentham was an English philosopher who was influenced by such luminary thinkers as John Locke (the real one, not the boring...er..boaring one) and David Hume (also the real one, not the Dharma button boy) and who is most noted for his ideas of the consequence of actions on happiness. He wasn't terribly influential when he was alive, but after his death some of his writings became popular among later consequentialists like John Stuart Mill. I will say this of the LOST writers, when they pick on a philosopher to name a character after, they are as good at using Wikipedia as I am, and have a knack for picking a historical name that evokes present circumstance pretty well.*)
We open with new guy Caesar rummaging through some papers in an office. Among them is a LIFE magazine from 1954 with a cover proclaiming colour pictures of hydrogen bomb tests within. When he flips through, the first image he sees is this:
I can only hope that this means that at some point between now and the end of the show, someone is going to turn into a lizard man like the Creature from the Black Lagoon. More likely, this foreshadows that old smokey is going to start taking people again sometime soon. Sadly, that little bit of action is only one among an entire 40 minutes of action that doesn't happen this week.
Caesar breaks into a file cabinet and finds what looks like Rousseau's map of the island along with a diagram that connects several squiggly circles with lines labeled "Space Time", "Imaginary Time" and "Real Time".
(*Physics side note: Put on your cerebral safety-belt. The concept of "Imaginary Time" is actually a real one, used by physicists in quantum physics all the time. You can thank Stephen Hawking for the brain hernia I'm about to give you. Remember from High School mathematics the idea of "Imaginary Numbers" that ran perpendicular to a sequence of "Real Numbers" or integers? Yeah, I hated them too. Basically, "Imaginary Time" similar in that it allows physicists to envision time like a full dimension in which they can move forward and backward. As great as this sounds in terms of the time-shifting island, that's not how it's really used. It lets physicists look at the laws of physics defying concept of singularities like the Big Bang in the same context as any other point in space time. If this confuses you, don't feel too bad. It confuses me too.*)
As Caesar flips through the file, he spies something under the desk. It's a short-barreled shot gun, with two shells inside. He stuffs it in his bag, just as another newbie, the woman who had Sayid in handcuffs on the plane, steps into the room. Her name is Ilana and she's got the cop eyes. She spots that Caesar just put something in his pack, despite saying he found nothing useful. He fakes her out by handing her the flashlight he found, wisely keeping the gun.
She tells him that they found a man in a suit standing in the water. A man who wasn't on the plane. The two go to see this snappy, if inappropriate, dresser. To no one's great shock, it's Locke.
The next morning, Ilana brings Locke a mango and after explaining that the pilot and "some woman" took one of the three boats they found and took off, she begins asking John the obvious questions. Locke doesn't know how he got there, or why he's dressed up so nice, but he has a guess.
"I think this suit is what they were gonna bury me in."
"Sorry?"
"You asked what I remembered. I remember dying."
Flashback to John putting the wheel back on its axis as Christian tells him to say hello to his son. John wakes up in a desert in Tunisia and promptly throws up whatever he'd recently eaten. He's still injured and can't get up. He spots a camera trained on the spot where he's appeared and calls for help, but night falls before anyone comes.
A truck arrives and some Arabic speaking men unceremoniously hoist John into their pickup and drive him to what can only loosely be called a "Hospital". After choking down some pills, John has a leather wrapped tube placed in his mouth for him to bite on while the "Doctor" sets his broken leg. I don't know about you, but if I were John, I'd have appreciated the guy at least washing his hands before messing with my exposed tibia.
John wakes up to find Charles Widmore at his bedside. It seems Widmore flew in a specialist to reset John's leg. I bet he washed his hands.
Widmore introduces himself and asks John how long it has been since they first met. Four days. For Widmore, it's been more than fifty years.
Widmore claims to have been the leader of the Others, protecting the island until Ben exiled him. Widmore assumes that Locke has also been exiled, but Locke explains that Ben had already left and that he left the island voluntarily. Widmore then explains that John's friends, the ones that Locke needs to bring back to the island, have been back for three years and never spoken a word about the truth of where they had been.
So, once again, I ask "What was the purpose of the lie?" If Widmore (as was perfectly obvious from the fact that he was able to send his freighter to the island in the first place) was aware of the fact that the O6 were lying all along, what was the point of the charade? Instead of lying, if the O6 had told the world that there were still survivors out there somewhere, perhaps one of the rescue parties might have lucked out and found the island. Keep in mind, the O6 have NO idea about the time jump, so for them, Sawyer and the rest are all still on an island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, surviving only by their wits. Lying about that didn't help the ones they left behind at all and in fact removed any hope of them ever being found. I'm still completely baffled by the logic of the lie.
Widmore explains that John needs to be back on the island when the war that's coming starts or the wrong side will win.
He sets Locke up with a phony Canadian passport under the name Jeremy Bentham. He gives him money and a cellphone that can reach Widmore just by pressing "23" (oh, what a shock) and a dossier that will point John to each of the Oceanic Six that John needs to gather.
Locke wonders why he should trust Widmore instead of Ben, since both seem to be peddling the same wares.
"I haven't tried to kill you. Can you say the same for him?"
Locke points out that Keamy and the Keamettes weren't exactly on the island to deliver pizza, but Widmore defends his actions as necessary to remove Ben. He also assures John that despite what Richard said about Locke needing to die to lead the group back to the island, he will do everything he can to see that that doesn't happen. To that end, he's assigned Matthew Abaddon to protect him.
When Abaddon tries to engage Locke in conversation, asking if there's anyone that Locke would like him to look up for him, Locke's only response is to ask his former orderly to not talk to him.
Their first stop is Santo Domingo where Sayid is working for a home building charity. Sayid explains that Ben manipulated him for two years and he's done with everything to do with him and the island. He tells Locke about spending nine months married to Nadia and how the love of his life was murdered. Refusing Locke's offer, he counters with one of his own, offering him a place where he could do some real good.
Sayid's experience with Nadia prompts Locke to ask Abaddon to find Helen for him. They then head to New York where they see a much grown Walt, his growth spurt finally reconciled to the real time in which he exists. No more crouching or weird camera angles to try and make him look small!
Walt tells John about a dream he had in which Locke was on the island, wearing a suit while surrounded by people who wanted to hurt him. Walt asks about his Dad and Locke smoothly tells him that the last time he heard, Michael was on a freighter near the island, omitting the fact that he was likely blown into little Michael bits when that freighter went BOOM.
Locke doesn't invite Walt on his little "Return to Witch Mountain" quest, letting the boy be, saying that the boy has been through enough.
Abaddon is unimpressed with Locke's success thus far and says so. Locke figures that he only needs to convince one and the rest will come.
As they leave, we see that Ben is there, watching.
His next stop is to see Hurley. Hurley is doing a little art work, Egypt and camels.
(*Probably totally coincidental side note: The Sphinx has four toes on each foot, although the feet are quite obviously feline...*)
At first, Hurley figures that Locke is like Charlie, appearing after death. It takes asking a nurse if he's talking to a dude in a wheelchair to convince him that Locke is real.
Locke tells him about needing them to go back to the island, but while Hurely doesn't seem opposed to the idea, he figures that now that Jack, Kate and Sun have returned to normal lives, they won't want to go.
Before the conversation can go further, Hurley spots Abaddon and tries to warn Locke that he's evil, having once come to him after their return. Of course, Abaddon tried to offer Hurley an upgrade to a better hospital and when Hurley refused, he then tried to get Hurley to tell them if "they" were alive. Hurley is naturally freaked out to see him in the company of Locke and he gets agitated and demands to be returned inside.
When Abaddon reminds Locke that he's failed three times, Locke responds by asking just what Abaddon does for Widmore.
"John, you're not really going to pretend you don't remember that I was an orderly in the hospital right after your accident? The I was the one that told you to go on your walkabout, the same walkabout that put you on the plane that crashed you on that island?"
"No, I remember."
"I help people get to where they need to get to, John. That's what I do for Mr. Widmore."
Kate is next on the list. She's categorical and emphatic that the answer is "No". Instead of answering John when he asks if she doesn't care about the ones they left behind, she puts on her spangled tights and her golden bustier and becomes Non Sequitur Girl!
Non Sequitur Girl fights with a Golden Lasso of Subject Changing, Question Deflecting Bracelets and her Go-Go Boots of What the Fuck???
"Have you ever been in love, John?"
"What?"
Um...yeah...what?
"I think about you sometimes. I think about how desperate you were to stay on that island. Then I realized it was all because you didn't love anybody."
"That's not true."
It's also NOT RELEVANT! Answer the bloody question, woman!
So, back to the completely irrelevant conversation, Kate wonders why it didn't work out with Helen.
"I was angry. I was obsessed..."
"Look how far you've come."
Riiight. Because that explains why you won't go back how? When was Kate replaced with this bitchy, detached clone?
After their conversation, Locke demands that Abaddon step up his game and find Helen.
Turns out that Helen died of a brain aneurysm a while back.
(*A bridge in Brooklyn side note: If you think that Helen is really dead, well, I've got some land in Florida. Locke lets Abaddon lead him to a cemetary with a grave marker, which proves exactly squat. Abaddon works for Widmore and there's no way that if an old girlfriend existed that they would willingly lead Locke to her, since she might just be reason enough for him not to go back to the island.*)
At this point, we get the one interesting conversation of the episode. Abaddon and Locke discuss the nature of fate and choice.
"As sad as it is, her path led here. And your path, no matter what you did or what you do, your path leads back to the island."
"You say that like it's all...inevitable."
"Mr. Widmore told me Richard Alpert said that you were going to die. So you tell me, John, is that inevitable or is it a choice?"
"What, do you think I want to die? How is that...how could you possibly think that's a choice?"
"Hey, I'm just your driver."
I wonder if Non Sequitur Girl needs a sidekick?
Out in the car, John sits in back while Abaddon puts John's chair in the trunk. Suddenly, blood splatters onto the back windshield. First a small amount then a huge spray, breaking the glass. The third shot looks like it does the job.
Locke scrambles into the front seat and tears away from the cemetery, stomping on the gas with cast bound abandon. Demolition Derby ensues and Locke wakes up in a hospital bed.
Fortunately for the now driverless Locke, he winds up just where he's supposed to be. That Abaddon, he's one dedicated enigmatic employee.
Jack sits by Locke's bedside. Locke immediately launches into his pitch, but Jack is really not in the mood for a destiny debate.
"Your car accident was on the West side of Los Angeles. You being brought into my hospital isn't fate, John, it's probability."
"You don't understand. It wasn't an accident. Somebody is trying to kill me."
"Why? Why would somebody try to kill you?"
"Because they don't want me to succeed. They want to stop me. They don't want me to get back, because I'm important."
"Have you ever stopped to think that these delusions that you're special aren't real? That maybe there's nothing important about you at all? Maybe you are just a lonely old man who crashed on an island? That's it. Goodbye, John."
As Jack tries to leave, John tries one last ploy.
"You're Father says 'Hello'."
"What?"
"A man, the man who told me to move the island, the man who told me how to bring you all back, he said to tell his son 'Hello'. It couldn't have been Sayid's Father and it wasn't Hurley's. That leaves you. He said his name was 'Christian'."
"My Father is dead."
"Well, he didn't look dead to me."
"He died in Australia three years ago. I put him in the coffin. He's dead."
"Jack, please, you have to come back. You're the only one who can convince the rest of 'em. You have to help me, you're supposed to help me.
"John, it's over! It's done. We left and we were never important. So you...you leave me alone and you leave the rest of them alone.
With that, Jack finally leaves, just in time to go have a good cry somewhere else.
In his crappy hotel room, John writes his one line suicide note and prepares his final act. He ties an extension cord to the radiator and loops it over a pipe inside the false ceiling. Moments later, with the cord around his neck, he's ready to make that fateful choice.
A knock at the door gives him pause and when he doesn't answer, Ben Starsky and Hutch's the door.
"How did you find me?"
"I have a man watching Sayid. I'm watching all of them, keeping them safe."
Locke figures out that it was Ben that shot Abaddon. Ben tells him he did it because Abaddon was working for Widmore and that Abaddon would eventually have killed him.
"No. Widmore came to me. He saved me."
"He used you, John. He waited 'till you showed up so that you could help him get to the island. Charles Widmore is the reason I moved the island, so that he could never find it again, to keep him away so that you could lead."
Seeing the hesitation in Locke's eyes, Ben moves closer to the table.
"You can't do this. If anything happens to you...John, you have no idea how important you are. Let me help you."
"There is no helping me. I'm...I'm a failure."
"No, John, you're not."
"I am! I couldn't get any of them. I couldn't get a single one of them to come back with me. I can't lead anyone..."
"Jack booked a ticket."
"What?"
"A plane ticket from Los Angeles to Sydney. Tonight. Return trip first thing in the morning. Whatever you said to him, John, it worked. And if you got Jack, you can get the rest of them."
Ben bends down to untie the makeshift rope.
"John, you can't die. You've got too much work to do. We've got to get you back to that island so that you can do it."
Ben unties the cord and extends a hand to help John down.
Locke sits down and breaks down crying. He thanks Ben for saving him.
(*Nit pick side note: While I understand that Jack booking a ticket is significant enough to give John a reason not to step off the table, there's no evidence that Jack is flying to Sydney because of what Locke said. He could have been going to a medical conference, to do a consult, visit someone or just a booty call. I'm just sayin'.*)
Ben suggests that they start fresh by going to Sun. Locke explains about the promise that he made to Jin about not bringing Sun back. Ben seems surprised that Jin is alive, but dismisses bringing Sun back, as a promise is a promise.
Ben tells John not to worry too much, since once they get the group together, they'll figure out the next step together. John already knows the next step. They have to go see Eloise Hawking.
When he hears the woman's name, well, Ben goes into "Ben's gotta do what Ben's gotta do" mode. Next thing John knows, he's got the electrical cord around his neck again, only this time it's not by choice. A few minutes later, the sacrifice is complete.
It has been suggested that the whole point of talking John down was so that Ben could do the killing, thus making John's death a human sacrifice rather than a self sacrifice. I'm not convinced, but it works within the story's context. Personally, I think that once he realized how John planned to go back, Ben knew that they'd need a body to stand in for Christian and proceeded to make sure they'd have one.
Ben cleans up the scene, returning John to his former position hanging from the ceiling. Once he is satisfied that the whole thing again looks like a suicide, he leaves, offering John parting words.
"Goodbye John. I'll miss you. I really will."
But of course, John isn't dead...anymore. He walks into the office where Caesar was searching through the files. Caesar sits behind the desk, implying that he is in a position of power, whether he is or not. When we see the telltale octagon of doom, it's got the symbol for the Hydra station on it. Caesar has wound up on the long forgotten second island!
Locke tells him that the symbol belonged to the Dharma Initiative that had once conducted experiments on the island and that he had once spent around 100 days on the island.
"So when we crashed, you were already here?"
"No, no. I left."
"How long ago did you leave?"
"The timing would just confuse you." And the fans, the writers, the cast, the producers...
"Well, how'd you get back?"
"To be honest, that part's a bit of a mystery to me."
"Okay, John Locke, I have a mystery too. Maybe you can help me with it."
"Happy to try."
(*Getting back to that name business side note: The writers make a point of having both Caesar and Ilana call Locke "John Locke" every time they use his name in this episode. John is never called "Jeremy Bentham" by any of the people he deals with on his return to civilization, yet the whole episode is named after that alias. Since we have left science in the rear view mirror, we are now deep into fantasy and magic territory and in fantasy literature there is often a great deal of power associated with someone's "real" name. I won't be surprised if "Christian Shephard" is actually named something else and the whole resurrection thing turns on the fact that neither John or Christian were using their real names when they died.*)
"On the plane, I was sitting across the aisle from that really big guy with curly hair. When the plane start shaking, really shaking, there was a big noise and a bright light and this really big guy with the curly hair...was gone, man. I mean literally gone. And it wasn't only him. Some of us saw it happen to other people too. So Mr. John Locke, do you have an idea about what happened?"
"I think...I might know how I came to be here, but that would involve me finding my friends. Do you have a passenger list?"
"No, the pilot took it when he ran off."
"And everyone is accounted for, all the people other than the ones who disappeared?"
"Yeah, yeah. Except for the people who got hurt."
"The people who got hurt?"
Caesar takes John to their makeshift infirmary and who should he find, but...Ben!
"You know him?"
"Yeah. He's the man who killed me."
